i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
