your thong is hanging out like whoa
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
