We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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