worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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