I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
