He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
honey bunches of taint.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
