I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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