i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
