I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
