wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
