The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
