Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This is the prime rib incident all over again
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
