What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This baby is an asshole
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
