I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
