walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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