she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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