Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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