Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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