i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
