He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
