The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
