I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
