Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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