Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
