I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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