so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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