Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
