what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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