Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
