You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
