I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
