The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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