I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
