he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
