Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
