he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
