what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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