I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
