Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
