Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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