Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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