Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
