Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
