The brown eye won't let me do that either.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
