Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
