I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
