She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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