Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
