Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
