We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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