It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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