I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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