Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
