Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
