We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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