she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
