i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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