We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
