Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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