who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
