Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
