my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
