then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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