Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
