I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
