haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
