Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
