everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We named our party play list daddy issues
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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