Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I lost the right to judge tonight
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize