I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
