if i can run in heels then i can drive
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
