Where are you?
In a non slutty way
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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