Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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