Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
