hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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