i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
