when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
