how can u be prego again
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
