just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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