remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
